Seussical Monologues

Please choose one of the monologues below to perform after your singing audition. Memorization is not required.

Ensemble/Don’t care which role (M/F)

I do not like green eggs and ham, I do not like them Sam I am.
I do not like them here or there, I do not like them anywhere.

Kid (M/F)

Now that is a very unusual hat! I wonder what’s under a hat such as that! It may be a creature they call a Gazat, who balances things on his head, cause it’s flat. Or a pipe loving pipester from upper Mount Zat. Or sort of a, kind of a, hat wearing cat?

Gertrude (F)

I bet your forgot about Gertrude McFuzz. Well, that’s nothing new, I mean everyone does. But Gertrude did something that few birds could do. So here is the tale of Miss Gertrude, part two!

Horton (M)

I’ve been guarding this clover for over a week. Getting laughed at for thinking a dust speck can speak. Well, let them all laugh. I’ll try not to mind, for I have found something they’ll never find!

Mayzie (F)

Hey Horton! It’s me Mayzie! Up here. On a nest. You wanna make something of it? I know, I know- you never thought you’d see someone like me on a nest. Well, neither did I Hort, neither did I. 

Cat (M)

I can see you have quite a mind for your age! Why one think and you dragged me right on the stage!  Now that I’m here, there’s no telling what may ensue! What a cat such as me, and a thinker like you!

Mr./Mrs. Mayor (M/F)

Jojo! The tub’s overflowed on the floor!  The water is running right under the door! The ceiling is peeling! You flooded the den! Oh Jojo, I think you’ve been thinking again! I say this with firmness and terrible sorrow, young man, we will deal with you come tomorrow.

JoJo (M/F)

You’re nothing but trouble, yes trouble galore! You flooded my house, sent me marching to war. Filled my head full of thinks, and you won’t go away! No please let me be! I have no more to say!

Wickersham (M/F)

So you’re still talking to dust? Oh that’s hot! A dust speck that’s all full of Who’s who are not. There aren’t any Who’s, why I don’t hear a sound! Come on, we’re gonna monkey, monkey around!

Sour/Baby Kangaroo (F)

You can’t run away from a Sour Kangaroo, from Palm Beach, to Pittsburg, to Kalamazoo. And you with your egg, and your tree and your nest. I’m making a sour citizen’s arrest!

General (M)

I’m General Gehghis Kahn Schmitz. I scare children out of their wits! You’ll see at a glance sir, my school is the answer for shirkers and dreamers and twits. And in this case, I’d say the shoe fits. Ten hut! Chin up. Feet together. Eyes on the prize. Forward harch!


Seussical Roles- Callback Song Excerpts

Cat in the Hat (M): “Oh the Thinks You Can Think”

Oh the thinks you can think, Oh the thinks you can think if you’re willing to try.
Think invisible ink, or a gink with a stink, or a stair to the sky!
If you open your mind, oh the thinks you will find, lining up to get loose!
Oh the thinks you can think, when you think about Seuss!

Sour Kangaroo/Young Kangaroo (F):  “Biggest Blame Fool”

Humph! Humphfed a voice! Twas the Sour Kangaroo!
And the Young Kangaroo in her pouch said: Humph! Too.
Why that speck is as small as the head of a pin! A person on that? Why there never has been!
You’re the biggest blame fool in the Jungle of Nool, and I don’t care who I tell.
Biggest blame fool in the Jungle of Nool, and I think so as well.
Maybe I’m nasty, maybe I’m cruel, but you’re the biggest blame fool, in the Jungle of Nool!

Gertrude (F): “All for You”

I sailed on a junk and was practically sunk, for you.
I trampled through the trees full of furious bees, for you.
I slogged through a fog and a choking smog down a soggy slope,
Through a stinking bog, while my slip was gripped by a vicious dog, for you. All for you!
All for you! There’s nothing that I wouldn’t, and I couldn’t, and I haven’t gone through!

Horton (M): “Alone in the Universe”

I’m alone in the universe, so alone in the universe, I found magic, but they won’t see it.
They all call me a lunatic, okay call me a lunatic, if I stand on my own, so be it.
Cause I have wings, yes I can fly, around the moon, and far beyond the sky.
And one day soon, I know there you’ll be. One small voice in the universe,
One true friend in the universe, who believes in me.

Jojo (M or F): “It’s Possible”

It might go along down where no one can see, right under state highway two hundred and three
Right under the wagons, right under the toes, of Mrs. Umbroso, who’s hanging out clothes,
It’s possible. Anything’s possible. It’s possible, anything’s possible.
This might be a river, now might’n it be, connecting McGelligot’s pool with the sea!
And maybe some fish might be swimming, swimming toward me! 

Mayzie (F): “Amayzing Mayzie”

Then I made a plan for my self-improvement. No more crumbs I vowed, I would have the cake!
So I went to the doctor, Doctor Dake by the lake. And he told me what sort of a pill I should take!
Now I’m——- Amayzing Mayzie, As feathered as feathered can be now!
Amayzing Mayzie, it was all for sale! Amayzing Mayzie, the birds are all whistling at me now!
Amayzing Mayzie, baby that’s my tail!

Wickersham Brothers (M): “Monkey Around”

Something big is getting nearer, something big is coming through
Got some monkey business, that’s what we intend to do!
Come on! I wanna monkey, monkey around. Come on! I wanna monkey, monkey around!
Come on, I wanna monkey, ooh we’re gonna monkey around!

 Mr. and Mrs. Mayor (M and F): “How to Raise a Child”

 He was mommy’s little boy, he was Daddy’s little man,
He was never any trouble till this thinking thing began!
We must both lay down the law, will he hate us, maybe so,
Oh, where are the instructions on how to raise a child,
Who has the instructions on how to raise a child,
Who has all the answers? I don’t know.

General (M): “The Military”

I’m General Genghis Kahn Schmitz. I scare children out of their wits! 
You’ll see at a glance sir, my school is the answer for shirkers and dreamers and twits. 
And in this case I’d say the shoe fits!
The military academy is the place where he should be sent! 
We’ll drill the silliness from his head. I’m sure we’ll make a dent.
We’ll teach him fighting and left and righting until he’s muscled and tan!
A hut two three! “He’s pathetic”
A hut two three! “Unathletic!”
A hut two three! But I’m betting we can!
The military, that’s what’s makes a boy—– a man!